Seclusion vs. Bratty?

Hello everyone,

I feel like it’s been a while, and I apologize. I know most of my followers follow me for my book posts, so I’m sorry to disappoint. I love writing about books, but this blog was meant to cover every aspect of my life under the pseudonym of Bella Sinclair. So for those of you who are just here for the books, sit tight; they’re coming.

As for the rest of you, the ones who enjoy my writing, including the posts that aren’t book-related, I have a question for you. Do any of you just have that one thing, or several things, that you like to keep to yourselves? You don’t want your friends to enter that world because it’s yours. And you definitely don’t want that world to welcome your friend with open arms and enjoy their company more than yours. I have a friend, and this has happened multiple times.

First, it was cross country. Don’t get me wrong, I was super glad to have a friend to face the season with, especially with it being my first. But she didn’t come to any of the summer workouts like I had. When she came on the first day of practice, she was killing it. And she hadn’t even been running during the summer. My coaches and teammates seemed to enjoy her company more than mine, and it was frustrating to me.

Then it was my other friend. Let’s call her Annie. I went with Annie to L.A. and three other kids for a school trip. We bonded, and I was happy to have a friend that wasn’t necessarily in my grade. Then, as the trip started to end, she started to move away. She stopped texting or talking to me as well. She joined my friend’s class and they sat together every day. Then, I got a text from her. She said, “Dude, I really want to ask Jennifer about something.” (Jennifer was my earlier friend from cross country) Now, Jennifer’s been invited to her graduation party, and I haven’t. Sucks, right?

Now it’s happening again with this philosophy club. When the bell rings for club time, I can be a different person. A more philosophical, deeper person. Now, as she wants to enter that world as well, I’m afraid for several things.

  1. I’m afraid she’ll grow even closer to Annie than she already is (she keeps telling me how much she likes her even though she knows how I feel)
  2. I’m afraid my teacher, who only knows one freshman (me), will grow to like her and add her to the small group of students who went to L.A.
  3. I’m afraid to share this world with her when she’s already taken so many things from me.

Does anyone else think like this? Afraid that their friend will eventually become a better version of you, all because you were nice enough to introduce them to what you do? Afraid that all your other friends will grow to like her better until she just encompasses your being?

Or is that just me?


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